“Alive”

A view of the positives of such an unimaginable time we are all living through, via the eyes of a 25 year old massage therapist. I am no self help guru, counsellor nor wise old owl, I just have 5+ months of unemployed time under my belt to think and gather thoughts and there’s no harm in sharing some of them and shining a light in a dark time. If this helps one person, that is all that matters to me.

I know a lot of us will feel right now that we are simply “existing” rather than living. Globally the human race has experienced something collectively that we have not been prepared for. It’s hard to imagine how we ended up here and how life felt before, considering in the UK this is the third time we’ve been bound by rules to stay at home. There‘s no doubt that for many, this has been one of the most challenging periods of our lifetime and we feel at the minute there is no end in sight. It’s incredibly easy to get sucked in by the news and feel isolated from the feelings of joy and happiness. Having spent most of the last year unable to work due to the pandemic, it’s become clear to me that not all is doom and gloom. I like to see myself as an optimistic person, however that has been severely tested like never before. I wanted to get my thoughts out there to encourage you to think about the last year and how we have all developed as human beings, positively (because let’s face it we’ve had it with negativity consuming our lives).

Resilience

’Barns burnt down / Now I can see the moon” - Mizuta masahide (seventeenth-century Japanese poet)

As people, we have been stripped of the things that make us tick, those external factors we so desperately crave to give us purpose, something to look forward to, a sense of being. Yet somehow, we have adapted over time to accept this as some sort of normality for now, even though this is not permanent. I know I’m speaking broadly, many of us will be suffering mentally and think what I’m writing is a load of rubbish, but I wanted to shed light on those things we have achieved and learned along the way. I would consider myself to be in a very fortunate position and I count myself extremely lucky to have a happy home, healthy family and friends and I know this is not the case for everyone. I just wish for us to all squeeze a bit of joy out of everything, even in the darkest of times knowing that there are much brighter ones ahead, With not being able to work, I’ve been forced to enjoy my own company and get to know myself a lot more. Without sounding all mystical, I think I have experienced a journey of self discovery, those that are typically found travelling around the world or on long retreats. It’s one I think many of us have experienced, whether we realise it or not, we have all achieved something huge. I believe we have developed the ability to feel more strongly than ever. By this, I mean acknowledging feelings we would have perhaps distracted ourselves from with things we were once able to do so freely. I think this has given us the strength to understand ourselves better, even if you don’t feel like you have achieved anything, just simply getting through this time is more than enough. For example, I didn’t realise I was capable of feeling so low at points during the first lockdown, when I am usually in such positive spirits. I hadn’t experienced those intense feelings of sadness before that it was something I struggled understanding. Much of this was sadly due to a family bereavement, which I think back to now as one of the times where I gathered strength where I didn’t think I had any left. Grieving via technology or socially distanced walks felt alien compared to wrapping your arms around loved ones or talking over a cup of tea in your family home. However, we are so very lucky to live in a world where technology can make us feel close, even when we may not be. We are discouraged to spend lots of time on our phones, monitoring our time on social media etc. It can be a damaging portal filled with pits of comparison, hate and obsession. Being aware of all of this and knowing your own limits can help deter away from these places, as for many of us technology was the thing we relied on and still is in the ongoing pandemic to make our much needed connections. While this time of isolation may make us feel lonely, we are never truly alone.

Feeling our emotions rather than suppressing will give us great strength to help us forward in the future. For me, feeling those intense emotions of sadness has given me insight to those who feel this way more often and I can now truly empathise with those struggling with depression and anxiety on a daily basis. Acknowledging these feelings has given me the perspective I needed, the strength to move forward and the courage to not feel shame around these feelings. We’re all human, it’s ok to feel vulnerable, but the bravest thing you can do is to learn that it’s ok to not feel ok.

”The challenge today, then, is not that life is necessarily worse than it once was. In many ways, human lives have the potential to be better and healthier and even happier than eras in the past. The trouble is our lives are also cluttered. The challenge is to find who we are amid the crowd of ourselves.’ - Matt Haig, Notes On A Nervous Planet.

The dynamics of human interactions during this pandemic has dramatically changed. Whether you’re an extrovert or introvert, we have all had to adapt to these new ways of being around other people. It became clear to me how big the change was when I was watching one of the million Netflix series I’ve viewed, when I noticed I felt troubled by seeing strangers gathering close together in a room, or I remember feeling excited at seeing someone wheeling a suitcase out of their home. I for one am a big hugger and having that physical component of human interaction taken away, as well as it applying to my job massaging clients every day, I found very disconcerting. All we had to connect us was the voice at the end of a phone or seeing others activity via social media. I believe it changed the way we process human behaviours and we had to adapt to this new form of interaction on a full time basis. I had to ensure I didn’t compare my “lockdown productivity” to others, as I know talking to friends this was a struggle to many. When have we ever been in this situation before and who’s made up a rule book of the “right way to do a lockdown”. I felt envious of people that could work when I was forced to close business, I felt unproductive if I hadn’t done a 5k run when watching everyone exercise outside on a day I decided to sit on the sofa. I had to train myself to feel ok with just “being”, something I wasn’t used to before. Challenging yourself to find the ability to have feeling of contentment without the things you usually have to help this. Don’t get me wrong I love a lazy Sunday in front of the tv, but my musical heart would rather me in a room full of strangers filling my ears with live music. These things we yearn for in life, experiences, making memories, socialising, we just had to settle without.

Whatever our circumstances in amongst this madness, we should all take comfort that we’re all in it together no matter what wave we’re individually riding. The feeling of contentment is hugely valuable, focusing and being grateful for the things that you have rather than fixating on the things that you want can bring you joy when you least expect it.

Being a massage therapist I take huge comfort in creating a space where people can talk freely and relax emotionally and mentally, as well as physically. I have learnt over the years that there are different approaches to listening. Now this may sound strange but as humans we are wired to instantly want to help, fix and advise if we have the knowledge to do so. Going against our nature, the most valuable way to listen is through active listening. It’s something that has become second nature to me through being trained in massage to never initiate a conversation, to let the client speak first and then you can see whether they’re likely to talk throughout a treatment or want to be silent. Active listening encourages the person who needs to talk to continue to talk rather than you immediately trying to offer help. This provides more help to the person in need than you think, then when you feel they have really been honest and spoken fully, you can then point them in the right direction or offer your personal experiences on the matter if possible to reassure them. Mental health in the last 10 or so years has become a talking point, less of a stigma and more of an encouraged subject to discuss. I understand this isn’t true for all or easy to do, but I believe all this time we’ve had to spend with ourselves has had such a great benefit on our personal developments, even if you can’t feel it, I know it to be true.

Ultimately you can’t pour from an empty jug, so making sure you take that time to check in with yourself before you put your energy into helping others. Although many may struggle adopting this method, it’s so very important that you get to know yourself, your own limits and be as in tune as you can. I repeatedly say “listen to your body” in my field of work and more than ever this has never felt so needed. It takes courage to understand yourself and there is no shame in putting yourself first.

I believe this time, without realising, has forced us all to live more in the present. I am definitely a person who has at least 3/4 holidays booked along with music festivals, other exciting plans to look forward to. I remember in March last year, when lockdown was announced, I slowly started to cross things off of my calendar but held on to the fact there’s always next year. As obviously we know now the pandemic is currently at its peak, and this year is looking a bit weary, those feelings of disappointment may start creeping back in. Again, I count myself in a fortunate position as I know around there world there are people living on limited time, those that have lost businesses, loved ones, their livelihoods. But those who can see a positive in this, we have all allowed ourselves to feel more in this very moment, rather that wishing time away to get closer to things we have planned. Life is full of magical moments, we all need these things to look forward to and to feel alive, and I can assure, when we are allowed to move freely again, by being more in the present we will feel more intensely than ever before. By feeling more in the present during times without many distractions, I find it joyful looking at the smaller things that would have perhaps gone a miss. In the first lockdown I remember walking out of my house and discovering a river about a 10 minute walk away that I never knew existed. For me this was my saviour, feeding the ducks, walking alongside the water and saying hello to strangers. Those strangers who we would have perhaps disregarded, now feeling a weird sense of closeness knowing we are all experiencing and living in these strange times together. I sit with my cat on my lap now as I write this, taking comfort knowing that he is none the wiser, having enjoyed extra lap cuddles and company during the day not knowing anything about the madness. Shifting our perspective, making note of the smaller details life gives us. Whether you’re reading this is a key worker, shattered and burnt out, a parent homeschooling, a tradesman, desk worker, retired or simply unable to work, we all have the capability of finding one thing out of our day we perhaps wouldn’t have noticed before. Relish in the fact we are here, alive and knowing there are better times ahead by living so truly in the present, appreciating those finer details. If it’s simply opening the blinds and getting out of bed, you’ve done it. We all have a choice to choose how we look at things and I hope you can identify with me and find your own things that have brought you happiness and contentment.

When we all break out from the realms of confinement and start “doing” again, I hope we will all take forward what we have experienced to better ourselves and others around us. Even if that one thing is just getting through this time alone rather than listing numerous things, you’ve achieved more than you can ever imagine. We have all shared such a unique experience (one I cannot wait to get out of), one that may seem incredibly dark but I feel we can take so much from. When things start to busy again, you may feel overwhelmed, for so long we have be distanced from the rush of life. Remember those times of simple pleasures, know that you can apply to any situation if you allow yourself to see the light.

Keep talking, breathing, stretching (wouldn’t be doing my job as a massage therapist if I didn’t promote this), moving, growing and being you. In years to come we will look back on those masked times of struggle and think, we did it. For now I’m going to stick on my favourite record and dance the morning away and imagine I’m in amongst cider soaked skin in a grassy field full of love. Imagination and reliving memories isn’t lost, just do what makes you happy.